She was not a born-again Christian, so i decided to back-out, yet after months, she eventually accepted Christ, which make me the happiest man in earth alive!, Hmmmm,.. "Lord , May i continue", it was a surprised that almost of our preaching activities and even the young people activities, she was there. I am a servant of a King, and i just do my best to do whats best for the activities, nothing more nothing less, and my ability not to be interrupted by my emotion to finished the goal successfully, is not difficult for me - since i had learned that thru the pains in the past years of my life.
The emotion grows stronger, as I pray for her, think of her, and most of my activities she was there.
My Emotional control is high, until such time, I cant no longer let that emotion go to higher level,. I fast for 5 days, one of the reason is her, I ask God, and did not stop fasting until I get the answer, "WAIT", it is the answer. In everything happening in my life, the PEACE is in me, whatever my God tell me, "I just do it".
Suppressed my feeling, hiding it under my bed and inside the closed, locked.
This is the most difficult part now, one pastors courted him properly and months later eventually they got the relationship. On the process, we have text/call communication while the guy is courting her, doing some advice to the lady, sharing thoughts. There is a very thin line of making a mistakes but i rather decide to forget my emotion, do the plane ground of justice. I dont know how to explain it, but the pain, jealousy is there.
With God amazing grace i was able to survive and act and think properly.
The moment of silence, no communication, i felt ignored, and no importance at all, well, i can and i am very ready to accept any situation in my life God will put me in. Life must go on, making money for a living - actually hard struggle for it that time, working in sport evangelism, bible studies, mentoring and online learning.
When their relationship put on fire- on test and working out is becoming harder, finally the closet where openned, She needs somebody to talk with, to pray with to preached with, and she became good and great again. God used her to trained me to interpret dreams and visions as I suprisingly did not struggle a bit to interpret it, maybe God is gave me the gift.
Time to closed and moment of silence again, The interval is almost a month, Until...
A vision comes to scene, I know i need to tell her this, but how, i need to tell her "your relationship now is not meant for you", "do this and do that"; How possible i can tell her that, without a stain of her thinking that i am up something, that I am not manipulating, that i was not able to mixed my emotion to that, that she may do misinterpret it. Anyway God is great,... I was able to do it, releasing in me a heart of a pastor, a heart of a sincere friend.
The silence begin, and she dont want to talk to me again, even erase my number in her phone.
By the way my number is very easy to memorized by testing it statistically to my other network of friends.
I wonder it was easy to forget, may be the statistic are wrong, and i am not thinking right. You can put the blame on me. That is ok.
The vision came to pass, it happened, and i am confident of it. Because it does not came from me- there is a divine intervention from it, and that vision have a confirmation from other person, and best of all, it happened actually.
The pain in break-up she experience, out of the closet, the locked break and the door openned, She needs me at this time, and forcefully i need to act now, and i know the consequences of its pain if I do.,
Your a shoulder to be cried on, do counselling and met in person and talk until joy and strength of her breakthrough. The pain there is the pain of knowing how she loved the other man, and not even me.
My difficult part there is pretending nothing happening inside of me, I though I can stand, but after a few weeks and until this blogged, and i already felt that she know already.
This is me, what you see what you get, doesnt worry to be carefull, to hurt her or think bas about me,
I just want to be honest.
Added to the pain, of her thought of me as a dangerous man, and cannot be trusted, I strongly felt it.
More Pain, is the vision of the man who will be her King, a man of courage, leadership and a Man after God's own heart, her prince, her King. Those pain that will keep killing me.
God reminded me, that this scenario is some one similar to Him, God the Father LETTING GO, of His Son Jesus Christ whom He love so much, for be the curse, to be put to death, to be the lamb that will be slain and carry the great wrath of God for the sins of mankind, - JUST because GOD LOVES THE PEOPLE whom he created in His own image, you and me, God Loves Us so much.
Letting go of my great Love to that woman, Letting go of my "Spiced Tea"; ever her name is very precious to me because of its hebrew culture attached to it meaning "Life".
.... and I dont know how to end this.... "Life" must go on, I let Jesus be my "Spiced Tea" , that every evening I shower with it it relaxes me, and every morning I drink, it refreshed me and give me strength.
Thank you for reading, have a nice day!
You are blessed and Nothing Can change it.
1 John 5:4-5
